Notes & Queries response: From ancient history to the present, which civilisation had the fewest wars?

 This is my response to a question that appeared on the Notes & Queries page of The Guardian website on 8th January, 2023.

The Guardian is apparently no longer happy to host my comments on their site, so it is appearing here instead.

This blog is obviously not affiliated with The Guardian. Its reference to a question that appeared in Notes & Queries is presented here under the terms of fair use.

~

From ancient history to the present, which civilisation had the fewest wars?

image generated by Craiyon
In the unmerciful opinion of the economist, Richard Winch, who does not mince his words, the Kingdom of Véiergrenzen is “a smouldering bullet wound in the heart of Europe, where money of dubious provenance goes to be baptised in blood.”

Winch is no stranger to pejoratives. For years, he has been commonly referred to as 'the Bastard of Slough' – a description that many would regard as apt, and that a great many more would consider as erring on the side of being too kind. Nonetheless, his dim appraisal of Véiergrenzen was the catalyst for some extraordinarily performative pearl-clutching from certain quarters. A wide-eyed cynic might argue that an investigation into the finances of those who protested the loudest might yield a few interesting discoveries that could potentially pay for any investigation, and then some. An even more cynical individual – one who was better versed in the politics of the region – might counsel: The winters are cold, and getting colder by the year. Why pull on the loose thread and risk unravelling the entire sweater?

To those with a cursory knowledge of Véiergrenzen, Winch's “bullet wound” analogy might appear strange. In its 400-year history, the Kingdom has not participated in a single war and has, on paper at least, remained untouched by those wars that have been fought by its neighbours. This unusual state of affairs is, depending upon your outlook, either a remarkable achievement, or a somewhat sinister claim. It becomes ever more stranger and ominous when one also considers that, up until 2014, not a single murder had ever been recorded in Véiergrenzen.

To make sense of this situation, we must turn our attentions towards an entity whose considerable political reach is in stark contrast with its meagre physical presence. The Dukedom of Legot occupies a wilfully sketchy border region along the south-western side of Véiergrenzen. Up until a few years ago, it was the rug under which the Kingdom chose to conceal its dirt.

Véiergrenzen, which had long existed as a concept, albeit by various other names, was formally recognised by its neighbours in 1717. It was the product of political manoeuvring and eventual compromise by a quartet of squabbling powers in the region, namely The Habsburg Monarchy, Bavaria, the Swiss Confederation and the minor Germanic states, who conceived the thin strip of land as a buffer zone. Its ruler, August III, immediately found himself thrust into an untenable situation: Denied by the terms of the agreement he had been compelled to sign, the right to raise a fighting force that he might use to defend his Kingdom's borders, he was left at the mercy of nations who might withdraw Véiergrenzen's newly minted status on the political map as readily as it had been granted.

His solution to the problem was a novel one: Along the border with the Swiss Confederation, he established The Dukedom of Legot – an independent region comprising a village and surrounding fields, which he designated as a training venue, not for an army, but rather a city militia, whose purpose was to promote civil order. Because the fighting men who were mostly garrisoned in and around the village were enlisted as citizens of the Dukedom, who lacked direct ties to Véiergrenzen, it was harder to characterise them as a standing army, for as long as they remained within Legot. In a bid to further bolster their ranks, August elected to forcibly conscript anyone who was convicted of a serious crime in Véiergrenzen. Eventually the trials for anyone facing murder charges were moved to the Dukedom, effectively striking this crime from the records of the parent nation. These actions were to set an unfortunate precedent, where the Dukedom was used to conceal anything that might tarnish the image that the Kingdom wished to present to the wider world.

Naturally there were rumbles of dissent from the powers who had brought Véiergrenzen into existence. However, since August III showed no signs of wishing to expand his kingdom's borders, he was left to his own devices. To prevent a possible rebellion from the soldiers, who were forcibly encamped within a relatively small area, he began to hire them out as mercenaries. Initially this was done in secret. As the reputation of the Men of Legot grew, and having them march under your standard became something of a status symbol, the King became more brazen regarding his intentions. It is without any doubt that Véiergrenzen's position as a permanent fixture on the European political map was cemented by its reputation as a nation that was capable of supplying small forces of professional and exceptionally well-trained fighting men, as required. Though on paper, the Kingdom has avoided armed conflict, the reality is, if anything, quite the opposite. Forces from Dukedom of Legot, acting under the command of Véiergrenzen, have been active in practically every major European conflict over the past two centuries, as well as a great many further afield. It is a fantasy to suggest that the Kingdom isn't, figuratively speaking, up past its eyeballs in blood.

By 1849, through a series of gradual steps, Véiergrenzen had achieved its full independence. Despite this, the Dukedom of Legot continued to be used as a repository for unsavoury activities that the Kingdom wished to hide from the wider world. In recent decades these have extended to operating within financial grey areas. At present anyone who is conscripted into the Véiergrenzen armed forces is patriated to the Dukedom and then returned to full citizenry following their discharge from the service.

In 2014, Switzerland took steps to curb some of the more dubious financial activities that were occurring just beyond its borders. Though these measures were only partly successful, one side effect was Véiergrenzen losing the ability to bury its crime statistics. The sudden surge in the murder rate resulted in a baffling level of alarm among citizens of the country who, one would have thought, would have been aware of the deception taking place on their doorstep.

As an aside, when I met Richard Winch, rather improbably at the award ceremony for the 2012, T S Eilot Prize, he regaled me with the tale of a recent threat that had been made against him:

He had been having breakfast in a cafe in Brussels. A pair of men had set up a chessboard on the small table directly adjacent to where he was sitting. One of the men had replaced a bishop with a bullet, which he then moved illegally over the ranks of his own pawns to take a pawn on the opposing side.

“It was so on the nose, and done with such a level of self-importance, that I had to stifle my laughter,” recalled Winch.

“What did you do?” I enquired.

“I stayed to watch them play. I could tell they both really hated me for it, but they had to carry on with the charade – moving the bullet around on the board as though it was a bishop. When they were done, they packed everything up and left.

“Ironically for a pair of chess players, I don't think they really thought beyond the initial threat. I was supposed to see the bullet breaking the rules to take out the pawn and clear on out of there. Well, I don't take to threats. I have no family to speak of. I'm fairly secure. Let them do their worst.”

I hope this of help.


image generated by Craiyon


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Notes & Queries response: Why do Americans use the term ‘Victorian’?

Notes & Queries response - How different are modern humans from the first Homo sapiens?

Notes & Queries response: How did salt and pepper become the standard table seasonings?