The modern challenges that are posed by the red weed, left in the wake of the 1903/1904 Martian invasion of England, as documented by the writer HG Wells
Crossposted to r/Imaginary London
(This article was written in late September, 2022, predating the amendments to the 1953 Mars Act, which will become law in the UK at the end of March 2023)
“The problem is, this year, we had what the weathermen call a red Summer,” explains Tim Sandry. “Very hot and very dry. It always brings the Mars weed out.”
He loops the long strap of the broad-headed rake around his wrist, then launches it partway across the river. It lands horizontally on a spongy morass of red Martian weed that has completely clogged the surface along this stretch of The Wandle, partially damming the channel and resulting in a dangerous rise in the water level upstream. Drawing-in the strap, raises the wooden handle, at which point the short, sharp prongs bite down through the fibrous tangle. With a considerable effort, that is accompanied by a serpentine motion of the rake head, he is eventually able to detach a small section of the weed-mass and drag it to the riverside, where it separates from the water like a wet scab.
“We're got a pair of tractor-driven winders that can get the weed off the river much quicker and more efficiently than I can,” he says. “One of them's been out of commission since last year. The Council has been dragging their heels repairing it. The other one, they're renting out to Kensington Council.”
As he continues in the arduous task of hauling his stagnant catch up the muddy slope of the bank, spiny teasel-like growths, trailing knotted curtains of crimson tendrils, peel back to reveal the suffocated bodies of trapped fish and what appears to be the remains of a fox.
“It doesn't know harmony. It kills everything,” he remarks, as he draws the weed into the centre of a canvas sheet, twisting it into a small mound using deft movements of the rake.
When I move in to get a closer look I am quickly warned off:
“The tarp's been chemically-treated. It'll murder your shoes,” he says. “It's alright for me; I'm in special boots.”
According to Sandry, when the tarp is full, it will be “baled” and then transported to a processing plant just outside Bracknell where the contents will be “drummed” (sealed in airtight containers). These will be taken by lorry to a location just outside Cardiff, where they will be added to an ever-growing purgatorial stack, while a debate continues to rage regarding the most appropriate method of disposal.
The writer, HG Wells, lived through the Martian invasion, which he documented vividly in his diaries. He describes in detail the proliferation of the red weed that trailed in the wake of our planet's would-be conquerors, and dogged his own, much shorter, journey from Woking, in Surrey, to central London.
According to Wells, the alien plant succumbed to the same fate as the Martians themselves; its unprepared immune system unable to withstand a massed assault from a host of Earthly bacteria. In his own words “the fronds became bleached, and then shrivelled and brittle. They broke off at the least touch, and the waters that had stimulated their early growth carried their last vestiges out to sea.”
As informed readers will be aware, a number of bacteria affecting humans, animals, and plants, that could theoretically be eradicated by modern science have, by virtue of the 1953 Mars Act, been granted a stay of execution, purely on account of the threat that they will pose to Martian lifeforms should a second invasion occur. It is for the above reasons that solutions to the scourge of the common cold are also unlikely to be forthcoming; the inconvenience caused thought to be a small price to pay for the tactical advantage the virus will give us against our would-be attackers.
“The problem is that the weed, unlike the Martians, never really went away,” says Helen Privett, Head of Martian Plant Biology at Kew Gardens. “It lies dormant, waiting for the right conditions. As soon as these requirements have been met, overnight it can grow very rapidly indeed. And I really do mean 'overnight'. It doesn't photosynthesise and therefore doesn't require sunlight. What it does require is heat and the more prolonged the better. Curiously, the chemical reactions that allow it to spread also generate heat. This allows the plant to continue its cycle of growth for a while even after the external temperature drops.”
- “I can see people bringing Mars weed indoors with them this winter, to save on their heating bills.”
“Yes, that has been a problem in the past,” she says, inwardly wincing. “Overlooking, the illegality of propagating the weed, or taking cuttings without a licence, it is not something that I would advise. The weed can produce a serious allergic reaction on contact with skin. The thermal out-gassing associated with its growth can cause respiratory problems especially in an enclosed area. The jury is still out over whether it is carcinogenic. I know there are special bags that you can buy, but none of this is coming from reputable sources. It is the work of unscrupulous individuals who are prepared to break the law and cash-in on the desperation of people who are struggling to heat their homes.”
- “Obviously bacteria is no longer an issue.”
“The bacteria will kill it off eventually,” says Privett. “The problem is that each successive generation has greater resistance than the one before. In a couple of decades I think it will be completely immune and it will be entirely up to us to handle the problem. No more help from nature.
“You can't burn it – the spores that spread the weed are released by the heat and carried off on the updraughts. They are resilient little buggers too; very prolific. The best we can do at the moment is freeze-dry the weed and then store it in a cold environment.”
The Mars House at Kew Gardens is no longer open to the public, but can still be viewed via a gantry that winds around the exterior.
“One of my predecessors made the decision to seal it in 1981,” says Privett. “During the 1987 hurricane, an old elm came right down on top of it and the high winds carried the spores for miles. The new greenhouse is very tough. Since opening in 1992, it's only been entered 14 times. I've only gone inside twice and I might manage a third time before I retire. There is a lot of paperwork involved.”
Attitudes towards the weed were not always so hostile. Up until 1953, its vivid red colour made it a popular garnish to accent floral bouquets. The wreaths that were laid at the Cenotaph every Memorial Sunday were braided with it, in a tribute to the men who lost their lives defending England from the Martian invaders.
In the winter as the weed dies back, it loses its toxicity and becomes edible, delivering to the palate a peppery flavour that is comparable to rocket. Until cultivation and possession of the weed for the purposes of human or animal consumption was outlawed by the Mars Act, it was sold by greengrocers, served in restaurants, and used for animal fodder. Despite the penalties associated with harvesting the weed (up to two years in prison and a hefty fine) people continue to cook with it.
A Londoner, who I will refer to as Barry (not his real name), often has great strips of Mars weed draped over a plastic, fold-out clothes rack, that he stands in front of the radiator in his back room – part of what he refers to as 'the wilting process' that he credits with softening and tenderising the weed, and also removing some of the bitterness.
“The perfect solution to the disposal problem is to eat it,” he once told me. “Food Standards claim that they can't sanction it because they don't know what the long-term effects will be. Well, if you want a long-term study group, then I've been eating it since I was a nipper, and I can point you in the direction of several others who have been doing likewise.”
Perhaps the most profound impact that the Martian weed has had on England is yet to be fully realised.
“We are increasingly finding great clumps of it growing under houses,” says Keith Goddard of Churtney and Goddard Surveyors. “The spores find their way into cracks where they put down roots. As the plants grow, they literally grind the foundations to sand. Given their Martian origin, I imagine that a coarse, gritty soil is their preferred growing medium. If such an environment is not readily available then they make their own little patch of Mars here on earth. The first thing the property owners know about it are when cracks begin to appear that indicate subsidence.”
The discovery of Mars weed growing underneath a building can be the death knell for property values in an area.
“Once it's established in a spot, it's there for good.” said Goddard. “Unless we can find a way to kill it, without also poisoning the ground, we are going to lose an awful lot of houses and infrastructure during the next few decades.”
“The irony is that the Martian invasion of Earth may have been prompted by the ecological havoc that was being wreaked by the weed on their home planet,” says Privett. “It is possible they came here to get away from it, but they ended up bringing it with them. It doesn't bode well for us really, does it?”
~
 |
| image generated by Craiyon |
He loops the long strap of the broad-headed rake around his wrist, then launches it partway across the river. It lands horizontally on a spongy morass of red Martian weed that has completely clogged the surface along this stretch of The Wandle, partially damming the channel and resulting in a dangerous rise in the water level upstream. Drawing-in the strap, raises the wooden handle, at which point the short, sharp prongs bite down through the fibrous tangle. With a considerable effort, that is accompanied by a serpentine motion of the rake head, he is eventually able to detach a small section of the weed-mass and drag it to the riverside, where it separates from the water like a wet scab.
“We're got a pair of tractor-driven winders that can get the weed off the river much quicker and more efficiently than I can,” he says. “One of them's been out of commission since last year. The Council has been dragging their heels repairing it. The other one, they're renting out to Kensington Council.”
As he continues in the arduous task of hauling his stagnant catch up the muddy slope of the bank, spiny teasel-like growths, trailing knotted curtains of crimson tendrils, peel back to reveal the suffocated bodies of trapped fish and what appears to be the remains of a fox.
“It doesn't know harmony. It kills everything,” he remarks, as he draws the weed into the centre of a canvas sheet, twisting it into a small mound using deft movements of the rake.
When I move in to get a closer look I am quickly warned off:
“The tarp's been chemically-treated. It'll murder your shoes,” he says. “It's alright for me; I'm in special boots.”
According to Sandry, when the tarp is full, it will be “baled” and then transported to a processing plant just outside Bracknell where the contents will be “drummed” (sealed in airtight containers). These will be taken by lorry to a location just outside Cardiff, where they will be added to an ever-growing purgatorial stack, while a debate continues to rage regarding the most appropriate method of disposal.
~
According to Wells, the alien plant succumbed to the same fate as the Martians themselves; its unprepared immune system unable to withstand a massed assault from a host of Earthly bacteria. In his own words “the fronds became bleached, and then shrivelled and brittle. They broke off at the least touch, and the waters that had stimulated their early growth carried their last vestiges out to sea.”
As informed readers will be aware, a number of bacteria affecting humans, animals, and plants, that could theoretically be eradicated by modern science have, by virtue of the 1953 Mars Act, been granted a stay of execution, purely on account of the threat that they will pose to Martian lifeforms should a second invasion occur. It is for the above reasons that solutions to the scourge of the common cold are also unlikely to be forthcoming; the inconvenience caused thought to be a small price to pay for the tactical advantage the virus will give us against our would-be attackers.
“The problem is that the weed, unlike the Martians, never really went away,” says Helen Privett, Head of Martian Plant Biology at Kew Gardens. “It lies dormant, waiting for the right conditions. As soon as these requirements have been met, overnight it can grow very rapidly indeed. And I really do mean 'overnight'. It doesn't photosynthesise and therefore doesn't require sunlight. What it does require is heat and the more prolonged the better. Curiously, the chemical reactions that allow it to spread also generate heat. This allows the plant to continue its cycle of growth for a while even after the external temperature drops.”
- “I can see people bringing Mars weed indoors with them this winter, to save on their heating bills.”
“Yes, that has been a problem in the past,” she says, inwardly wincing. “Overlooking, the illegality of propagating the weed, or taking cuttings without a licence, it is not something that I would advise. The weed can produce a serious allergic reaction on contact with skin. The thermal out-gassing associated with its growth can cause respiratory problems especially in an enclosed area. The jury is still out over whether it is carcinogenic. I know there are special bags that you can buy, but none of this is coming from reputable sources. It is the work of unscrupulous individuals who are prepared to break the law and cash-in on the desperation of people who are struggling to heat their homes.”
- “Obviously bacteria is no longer an issue.”
“The bacteria will kill it off eventually,” says Privett. “The problem is that each successive generation has greater resistance than the one before. In a couple of decades I think it will be completely immune and it will be entirely up to us to handle the problem. No more help from nature.
“You can't burn it – the spores that spread the weed are released by the heat and carried off on the updraughts. They are resilient little buggers too; very prolific. The best we can do at the moment is freeze-dry the weed and then store it in a cold environment.”
The Mars House at Kew Gardens is no longer open to the public, but can still be viewed via a gantry that winds around the exterior.
“One of my predecessors made the decision to seal it in 1981,” says Privett. “During the 1987 hurricane, an old elm came right down on top of it and the high winds carried the spores for miles. The new greenhouse is very tough. Since opening in 1992, it's only been entered 14 times. I've only gone inside twice and I might manage a third time before I retire. There is a lot of paperwork involved.”
~
Attitudes towards the weed were not always so hostile. Up until 1953, its vivid red colour made it a popular garnish to accent floral bouquets. The wreaths that were laid at the Cenotaph every Memorial Sunday were braided with it, in a tribute to the men who lost their lives defending England from the Martian invaders.
In the winter as the weed dies back, it loses its toxicity and becomes edible, delivering to the palate a peppery flavour that is comparable to rocket. Until cultivation and possession of the weed for the purposes of human or animal consumption was outlawed by the Mars Act, it was sold by greengrocers, served in restaurants, and used for animal fodder. Despite the penalties associated with harvesting the weed (up to two years in prison and a hefty fine) people continue to cook with it.
A Londoner, who I will refer to as Barry (not his real name), often has great strips of Mars weed draped over a plastic, fold-out clothes rack, that he stands in front of the radiator in his back room – part of what he refers to as 'the wilting process' that he credits with softening and tenderising the weed, and also removing some of the bitterness.
“The perfect solution to the disposal problem is to eat it,” he once told me. “Food Standards claim that they can't sanction it because they don't know what the long-term effects will be. Well, if you want a long-term study group, then I've been eating it since I was a nipper, and I can point you in the direction of several others who have been doing likewise.”
~
“We are increasingly finding great clumps of it growing under houses,” says Keith Goddard of Churtney and Goddard Surveyors. “The spores find their way into cracks where they put down roots. As the plants grow, they literally grind the foundations to sand. Given their Martian origin, I imagine that a coarse, gritty soil is their preferred growing medium. If such an environment is not readily available then they make their own little patch of Mars here on earth. The first thing the property owners know about it are when cracks begin to appear that indicate subsidence.”
The discovery of Mars weed growing underneath a building can be the death knell for property values in an area.
“Once it's established in a spot, it's there for good.” said Goddard. “Unless we can find a way to kill it, without also poisoning the ground, we are going to lose an awful lot of houses and infrastructure during the next few decades.”
“The irony is that the Martian invasion of Earth may have been prompted by the ecological havoc that was being wreaked by the weed on their home planet,” says Privett. “It is possible they came here to get away from it, but they ended up bringing it with them. It doesn't bode well for us really, does it?”
 |
| image generated by Craiyon |
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