My review of the Claber Aqua Pony Reel With Hose, which Amazon declined to publish

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In common with all great thinkers, I face an uphill battle against those who wish to censor the truths that stream from my mouth like a crystal clear mountain spring, cleansing all that it touches.

Below is my one-star review of the Claber Aqua Pony Reel With Hose which Amazon have declined to publish as they obviously can't handle the truth - that this product is the harbinger of a dark and ignorant epoch in the unfolding history of our species.

Like Benjamin Graham in Armstrong & Millers 'How Many Hats?' sketch (see below), I will not be silenced.


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The Claber Aqua Pony Reel With Hose represents an uncharacteristic misstep for Italy - the nation that gave the world the Roman Empire, the renaissance, the unfettered genius of Leonardo Da Vinci, and pizza. I would go so far as to say that its very existence may be regarded by future historians as the first indicator of a dark age where mankind regressed both culturally and technologically.

This product is lightweight. Another more appropriate word for it would be 'flimsy'. It does not seem to be capable of bearing the stresses that are placed upon it. While using it, one feels that, at any moment, it might implode. I do not know whether Claber also manufacture submarines. If they do, then I would strongly advise against setting foot inside one.

I often find myself turning the handle to absolutely no positive effect. The reel goes round, but little else happens. A few days ago, instead of releasing the front end of the hose, as one would expect, it began discharging random coils. It took me half an hour to get the hose off the reel. For reasons that I can still not fathom, doing so entailed turning the handle anti-clockwise, and then, when a portion of the hose had been released, turning it clockwise in order to release the next section.

This is a product with delusions of grandeur - a piece of junk sculpture that thinks it's a hose reel. Theoretical physicists may find some value in its ability to tie knots that seemingly defy the natural laws of the universe. Everybody else should avoid it.




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